What this actually looks like in real life
Fellas,
Last week we talked about why your nervous system always feels like it’s on. How most of us live in that constant state of readiness without ever realizing it, and how the body doesn’t just shut that off on its own.
A few people reached out after reading it and asked the obvious next question:
Okay, so what do you actually do?
Not in theory.
Not on a perfect day.
But in real life, with work, family, pressure, and responsibilities still very much there.
I’ll start here. I’m not calm all the time. I still feel urgency. I still get pulled into go-mode. The difference now is that I don’t stay there as long, and I don’t ignore the signals when my body starts tightening.
Those signals usually show up before my mind catches on.
I’ll notice my breath creeping higher into my chest while I’m answering emails. Or I’ll realize my shoulders are tense when I’m driving, even though nothing’s wrong.
Sometimes it’s my jaw. Sometimes it’s just a sense of being slightly rushed for no real reason.
That’s the moment that matters.
I used to push right through it. I thought that was focus. I thought that was discipline. Now, I see it differently. That tension is information, not a flaw.
So instead of powering through, I pause.
Sometimes it’s nothing more than slowing my breath for half a minute and letting the exhale soften. I don’t force relaxation. I just give my body enough time to realize there’s no immediate threat.
Other times, I move but not to burn anything off or prove something. A short walk. Light, intentional movement. Feeling my feet hit the ground. Letting my body remember where it is instead of staying stuck in my head.
There are days when the most regulating thing I do is step outside and stand still for a few minutes. No phone. No noise. Just enough quiet for my system to come down a notch.
None of this looks impressive. It wouldn’t make a good highlight reel. But it works, because the parasympathetic nervous system doesn’t respond to effort. It responds to safety.
Safety is communicated through simple things: slower breathing, softer posture, steady movement, moments where you’re not bracing for the next thing.
Over time, those moments add up.
My energy stopped swinging so hard. Training felt supportive again instead of draining. Recovery improved. My patience came back in places where it used to disappear quickly. My body stopped feeling like something I had to manage and started feeling like something I could trust.
This is the part most men miss.
You don’t need to eliminate stress to downshift. You just need to know how to come back from it before it settles into your body.
Life isn’t going to slow down. Responsibilities aren’t going anywhere. But you don’t have to carry everything in your nervous system.
That’s what regulation actually is. Not escaping pressure, but releasing it before it takes root.
Next week, I want to talk about something that naturally follows this: why so many men confuse rest with recovery, and why sleeping or taking a day off doesn’t always fix what’s going on underneath.
For now, here’s what I want you to notice this week.
Pay attention to the first moment your body tightens. Not the breaking point the beginning.
That’s where you still have a choice.
Stay grounded,
Keshaun
